Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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