I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
