Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize