one two three fourrrrnication!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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