I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize