I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
