Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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