With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
