Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
