it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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