I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
