I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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