What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
