He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
