Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
