dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
