my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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