I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
