I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
