isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize