Are we in a gay sports bar?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
