have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
