Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
