absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
zippers are such a cool invention
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
