Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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