i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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