i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
