conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
