If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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