we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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