I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
