Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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