omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
