Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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