I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
