I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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