just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
