How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
