you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
