She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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