it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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