Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
