I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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