I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
