your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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