So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
