woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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