If i come over, it means nothing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
