her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
