For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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