you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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