I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
