I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
