Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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