just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
