Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
