Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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