what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
