That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
