"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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