3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
