I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
