I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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